1. |
lady in passing
02:16
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she shrinks
and hides behind
her wooden spine
i used to think that
you’d see me in different
ways so misbehaved
hiding inside, always lazy passing
crying indoors, never amounting
sit in front of the screen and stare blankly
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2. |
double helix
05:37
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|
could you ever see me right here?
i've been drying out for hours in this stale space
i just wanna shrink in the background, the ghost floats through and she whispers round and round and round
did you see me move through the hallway?
reflections blank stares circles running through my brain
it's just always a double helix
the background is in the foreground i'm fading into the thickness
laugh through war, cry in love just wearing all our weakness
i’ve been isolating in my room while the world forgot the seasons
you won’t be there to hold my hand but i don’t think that i need it
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3. |
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|
i finally opened up after months of
staying quiet in my bedroom
but someone called and said they needed my help
i said bye like 7 times, i needed this help more than
you finally broke things off, after weeks of staying quietly in your room
cause no one called, and you never woke up, it
just feels like your life is dead ending far too soon
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4. |
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5. |
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i feel like we’re under pressure
it feels like we’re over due
if you focus on your methods
you’ll find your burning far too soon
you’re trapped in this body
but how much noise can you make
when the door isn’t open
can anyone hear me?
i need a brand new perspective
to help me overcome
you no longer live in my head, i think my life has finally begun
this is two sided, everything's dynamic
standing outside, sitting in front of the stairs
i watch you sink the titanic, i’m not diving in
i’ll watch as you sink and you panic, cause you never gave a shit
i’m gonna kill you
i can’t wait till you’re dead
i buried your name within me
in hopes that you'll pass
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6. |
woman in the wind
01:49
|
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|
enter the garden, after the lady bird speaks
cold, disembodied crawl into the room where she sleeps
enter the garden, after the lady bird speaks
she turns to stab _____, engulfing his body they meet
woman in the wind
|
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7. |
all hail the queen
01:57
|
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|
all hail the queen though she's not there
taking her leave till sun not here
drift through the wind to find warm air
and ill take your place till you take care
water bubbling up through the air vents as we stood outside
cleaning out my trunk i’m pulling muscles just to clear my mind
and i thought id be great always running in place, stuck in a loop of consumption cravings
and im wasting my days, forget my own fucking name in hopes to move forward in the cog but lately,
no you, make me, feel like
i might be fine
and in the summer months i’ll follow through, with everything in mind
will the sun begin to hit my chest as the water begins to rise?
or will you drift into me, like a heat wave, pulling out my pond
the river runs dry every year, but i can’t seem to run
|
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8. |
taking hand of the wheel
03:30
|
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|
taking hand of the wheel, disengage with my impulse to conceal
every day i’m fighting my own pace
as the days press on, night time to dawn
i'm reminded that i’m in the right place
did you even exist at all???
how come i never could return your calls???
i’ve always felt me in my life
it was never apparent that in strife
you could not turn around and just face myself
getting lost in the present state
i can barely see my face
nothing moving and i am far away from the view
wind blows hard this was not my last call
the breeze was thick and it surrounded me
stuck in pines they block my view out, clouded here in all the trees
i think the worst times in my life have been caused by me denying myself of any positivity
i think the worst time was last summer, i was biking and riding the train to a terrible job i really hated, i had recently transitioned and felt like i had no family. i wasn’t speaking to my friends, i’d come home and stare at my computer for hour. i found myself surrounded by massive amounts of dysphoria even when i felt like i looked the best i had ever felt or whatever... it felt like nothing was worth it anymore, and sometimes* it still feels that way, but trans joy is real. and i wish i had known that a long time ago
maybe it would’ve been easier
|
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9. |
||||
|
how far have i come?
and which way is the way out?
is this race just never ending?
can i opt out?
did the wind overtake me?
did i let my greatest fears defeat me?
and theres this due, holding me so far away from you, and i can’t help me at all
all i want, is to be seen, by you
the saboteur, salt in my wounds
|
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10. |
two headed tiger
05:04
|
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|
Back on the mountain, my good friends my dears
I keep the earth spinning with all my cheers
Forming life with my mind, moving backwards in time through the mirrors
Have I been gone for too long? A few years
Running, dwelling in caves out of fear
Spending far too much time hiding myself from the seer
If I got lost in the timelines I hope I could find my way back
Any time I go away for too long I stay missing us to death
Waking up in the morning to giants in lives that have past
Yet I still find reflections feel empty as I glance right back
Two headed tiger fighting on the beach
In the morning spring with no food to eat,
I’d stay some time if I had the spare,
If I don’t cast more spells I’ll lose my flair
Fired rockets off, way up to the surface
Thought of all the times that I felt discouraged
Shrugged it off not to feel the burden, then I transformed into a smaller person.
Travelled back in time just to see if you’re progressing,
Hard to really tell when I’m always so depressing
Got 7’s but your heart is underwhelming,
Tearing down building in hope you’ll feel the right things
I can’t hurt me no more, you start to feel the same way
Standing in front of the door, right down the hall way
Storm or the calm, the western leaves, descending the halls, of my own disbelief
Out of the walls, the desert breathes, “go on drift out to the summer sea”
Look to the sky, and see its right over there, but in the corner of my eye well the sun starts to appear, but I push on so lightly as to not cause a scene, but my lungs are black my heart is so cold that its green, and I wish i’d been nicer to the people that I’d loved, now I’m stuck in the past with no one to call a home. haven’t talked to you in ages but i still feel like i love you, you haven’t thought of me in ages, you’re just an idea of someone.
But being out here is hard, I’m caught up on imaginary problems
You never focus, on what’s real there
but maybe that’s the whole thing, repeating patterns all the same, just to catch the whole thing, remember i can roll it back to watch the whole thing, leaving out versions of myself on the tv screen, on the tv screen
were you even here at all?
Why do I seem to focus on that question?
|
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